stop coming back.

Why can’t I stop thinking about you? It was such a mistake. All of it… an all-consuming error in judgment that had me captivated and mesmerized by the situation. A good girl to the core, this was far beyond the everyday workings of such a responsible and trustworthy person like myself. Would it be corny to say, “you had me at hello”? - Because you did. I was drawn to you like a drug and from the first night that we spent together I was hooked. You were the perfect escape and release from the mundane aspects of reality. I would daydream about you and smile when I saw your name flash up on my phone; I would go back to the park where we met hoping to see you. It started out so innocent, the standard steps of a growing romance but then you broke my heart and made me become the other woman and in doing so you forced me to defy all the written rules of sisterhood and common decency. With this new information I tried to stay away from you and to be mature about what had happened and ignore the fact that you had used me, the fact that you had taken advantage of my naivety and my openness. But you were everywhere I looked, everywhere I went and you would reel me back in with empty promises and sweet talkings. You would tell me how beautiful I was and how you thought I was one of the most fascinating people you had ever met and so we went round in pointless and painful circles. You would hurt me and I would let you. You had even somehow let me believe that this was my idea and you were going along for the ride. To this day I still don’t know if you were right. Was it my fault? Could I have done more to prevent this? I shall spend years contemplating this. But because of you, I have grown – you took away my innocence and left me damaged. Things have been over for years, but you still obtain such a large space in my thoughts and I need closure, a concluding end to this chapter in my life that will always make me feel shame. So this is it. This is me saying goodbye to you, and that I will soon be the person I was once again. This is also me saying sorry, sorry that I let you hurt me, it wont happen again.
Sometimes people ask me why I like you but I never feel like explaining everything with us. And when I do try, it never comes out right so I can't blame them for not understanding. We've never been together like that. Meet you a few times, completely sober, just because we wanted to. And that was over a year ago. But in my thoughts i keep coming back to you. I had a massive crush that was like being on a roller coaster; one look from you and I was happy the whole day but I often saw you talking to other girls which was enough to drive me crazy. You were too cool to care and while I hid it well, I was hopelessly nuts about you.. But 2 you I was only Natalij.
..
And you noticed that I wasn't around as much. You mentioned that you didn't like the guy i was dating to my friends but I knew it was in a friend-way and nothing more like I so desperately wanted. But right before winter break, we went out togheter. We talked like that first night and we felt that connection. We hooked up and I was foolish in thinking I wouldn't fall for him but I did. But you moved away and everything changed. By the time you got back, you had a girlfriend and another guy had fallen for me. And as unlikely as I thought it could be, I fell for him too. You were no longer on my mind as I got caught up in this amazing guy. He was perfect by all standards. He was brilliant, romantic, sensitive and treated me better than I thought possible.
..
But you started to creep in. I wanted to text you but repressed the thoughts. I didn't talk to you when I saw you and for the longest time, we had our significant others and didn't think of each other. But one night in april, you chatted me, drunk of course, about how angry you were when I started dating the other guy. You said that even though you had your girlfriend and I had my boyfriend, that I couldn't deny that we had a connection. I couldn't deny it but I lied and stoped talking 2 you.
..
I want to text you but our lives have gone different directions. I feel like we had a small margin of time to get it RIGHT, know that we missed it. But I keep coming back to thoughts of you.

Kommentarer
Anonym säger:

sv: tack ! :)

2011-05-14 | 13:15:31
Bloggadress: http://viktoriasaci.blogg.se/
Sara säger:

Så fin bild

2011-05-14 | 13:21:12
Bloggadress: http://aamaziing.blogg.se/
evelina säger:

Sv: bara bra, själv då? :)

Nee, inte än (:

2011-05-14 | 13:36:09
Bloggadress: http://evvesblogg.blogg.se/
Louise- tävlingar och annat roligt ! säger:

härligt :) jo de e super med mig :)



gör dudå?:)

2011-05-14 | 13:49:39
Bloggadress: http://sepenteen.blogg.se/
FowZie - pojkfixerad Eskilstunabo säger:

sv; ja man kan aldrig utesluta helt att den inte kommer ;)

2011-05-14 | 14:11:23
Bloggadress: http://feliciaaulen.blogg.se/
melissa säger:

det är toppen emd mig, vad ska du göra resten av dagen ? :D

2011-05-14 | 14:21:11
Bloggadress: http://meelissaaaa.blogg.se/
angie säger:

Härligt! =) Oj ok hoppas att deppen försvinner snart!

Tack så jättejättemycket!

2011-05-14 | 14:34:32
Bloggadress: http://stylings.blogg.se/
Anonym säger:

äää älskar ditt namn Destiny!

2011-05-14 | 14:46:08
Bloggadress: http://lunahs.blogg.se/
lovisa säger:

sV: men va duktig du är:D

2011-05-14 | 15:03:58
Bloggadress: http://lavitadilovisa.blogg.se/
HONDENRÖDHÅRIGA säger:

tack så mycket ! :)

2011-05-14 | 15:12:32
Bloggadress: http://hannalovisasol.blogg.se/
sannalitens.blogg.se säger:

Svar: Okej :) Tittar du på Eurovision ikväll då? :)

2011-05-14 | 15:13:30
Bloggadress: http://sannalitens.blogg.se/
amanda säger:

okej :) typ inget, sjdå?

2011-05-14 | 15:27:52
Bloggadress: http://snarbergamanda.blogg.se/
JULIA ERIKSSON säger:

sv; okejokej! jag körde nyss ett träningspass, så nu ska jag duscha sen svara på kommentarer :) självdå? kram

2011-05-14 | 15:28:31
Bloggadress: http://jjuliaeriksson.blogg.se/
Johanna säger:

okej:) är sjuk så var tvungen att gå hem från jobbet och nu har jag bara legat i soffan, sj då vad har du gjort idag?:) Kram

2011-05-14 | 15:30:09
Bloggadress: http://asiwantit.blogg.se/
MATILDA ROSQVIST 14 ÅR säger:

SV; jag ska till New york och Miami i sommar :D du då?

2011-05-14 | 16:40:19
Bloggadress: http://matildays.blogg.se/
SelenaGomezSwe säger:

sv: jara allt e najs sj? :)

2011-05-14 | 16:46:07
Bloggadress: http://selenagomezsswe.blogg.se/
You make me smile säger:

Det var riktigt roligt ;D



just nu är jag hemma hos min pappa ;D

2011-05-14 | 17:24:13
Bloggadress: http://malinelfs.blogg.se/
Dessi! säger:

Sååå snyggt! Det är ju sjukt att det gör det nu :O

Vilken tur:D Här hänger regnet i luften finis så det är ju inte jätte bra=(

Kram!<3

2011-05-14 | 18:09:05
Bloggadress: http://dezirees.blogg.se/
O säger:

Du är så fin!

2011-05-14 | 18:37:49
t h a i p i n n e n ♥ säger:

sv; jaha okej, söt är du iaf :D

jo det är bra, självdå?:)

2011-05-14 | 20:08:13
Bloggadress: http://thaipinnen.blogg.se/
Anonym säger:

mycket rin bild !

2011-05-14 | 20:44:16
Bloggadress: http://duggin.blogg.se/
Anonym säger:

haha ja eller hur, läskigt (a)! Har du gjort idag?? Puss

2011-05-14 | 20:57:04
Bloggadress: http://franceaemelie.blogg.se/
sanna -saos.blogg.se säger:

Fint!



svar ajdå det låter mindre kul :/ själv hade jag ingen särskilt otur faktiskt. Idag har jag umgåtts med familjen och svärföräldrarna... själv?

2011-05-14 | 22:17:56
Bloggadress: http://saos.blogg.se/

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